Yes we got the win... DEFENSE WINS. Enuff said.

On another note, spent the majority of the night laughin with my teammates. As we celebrated Q's birthday, I began to realize how much I love these people. These are the times in life that I know I will look back on and wish I could come back to. Each moment creates memories. I was watching Tyler Perrys "A Family That Preys" and towards the end of the movie, someone says, "I wish it was that easy, just put in another memory card." As we get older, we wish we could remember everything from our past. Especially all of the good ones. Truth is, we do eventually forget, so its up to us to savor these moments.

I've been thinking alot about my little brother today, cameron, who passed away almost 14 years ago. I can't believe its been that long, but that's something I will never forget. I can remember everything about the day he died, like it happened earlier today. What I tend to forget though, are the things about him. Well not neccessarily forgot, but am terrified of forgetting. I am scared that I will eventually forget what his laugh sounded like, or what his skin felt like, what his smile looked like. I am constantly batteling with my head, forcing myself not to forget. For some reason, I still believe that one day he will show up at my door step, and I will wake up from a 14yr long dream. I was talking to someone special last night, and he said that we have something in common... that we are both missing a love from someone that can't be replaced by any other person. And he was so right. As much as I have been blessed over my lifetime, ever since I lost my brother, there's been an emptyness inside of me. Just that piece of my heart that hasn't had the same beat since the day he passed. I know I've learned to cope with and deal with his death, but I will never accept it. People always see time heals pain, but I don't think that applies to this. I am satisfied with dealing with it in my own way. I don't need anyone to try and fix this feeling. That part of my heart that doesn't beat the same is different because it belongs to my brother, and only my brother. He is never gone, and never forgotten.

Speaking of little brothers, my baby (not a baby anymore) turns 15 today!! He told me he was having a party, and I think it hit me. Wow, he's getting older. But that boy will always be my baby. I called him at midnight to say happy birthday, and he told me how "crackin" his party was. LoL. Even the way he speaks is so much older. I'm proud of the young man he has turned into. I guess it doesn't slow down from here. A lot more parties and birthdays to come. And a lot more growing up to do. But today, I'll just appreciate this moment, its his day. I'll appreciate the precious age of 15 while I can, and still love him like he's a baby ;).

Happy Birthday D, I'm so proud of you. I love you more than words.

Ok so anyway, has anyone seen the new halo video?? By Beyonce? OMG its video-tastic!!! LmaO (Did that really just come out of my mouth). But really, its great. I've figured out that I am extremely guarded. I didn't used to be but I feel no other choic now. Up until yesterday anyway. I see now that guarding myself is only hurting me. It takes away from being who I really am. I can still be smart as opposed to being a closed book. I believe that I have the ability to touch people, to help people, to make a difference in a persons life. Your not exposed to positive people a lot, and being that I am, its okay to show people who I am. A man who is willing to work to break through the walls I have put up, only makes me want to help him tear them down. This feeling is refreshing, even if it is "weird" or different. Life's about taking risks and trying something new. If we continue to go through life only doing the things that we are used to, or comfortable with, its hard to grow and expand your mind. At least that's how I feel. And that is how I plan to live my life. Maybe what I needed was someone to show me that it is okay to trust. Not trust other people, but to trust my own judgment. It just makes things easier. That way I dont worry about "getting hurt", or feeling "betrayed". When I do that, my energy is focused on them and not me. I guess I've been defensive when it comes to this. I don't want to be on the defensive side all of the time, I want to be able to relax and trust and live! I'm comfortable with the way I plan to live my life, but not so comfortable that I dont take risks ;).

Well my eyes are getting heavy.

I am going to sleep so excited to see what tomorrow brings.

Be blessed ya'll,

Jay

UPDATE...

Welllllll, we got the W at the Pit for the 1st time in like 19years! and we broke New Mexicos home winning streak.... pure joyous feeling. After we won, our coach ran up the hill in her heels!!!! too funny! Definitely one of those games you never forget. Winning at the pit is damn near unheardof.... Literally. That crown can get extremely loud. But I swear when that buzzer went off, I felt like I was in a room taking a final exam it was that quiet. The 1st time in a while where silence in an arena felt so good. That victory, as huge as it is, it kinda has to be shortlived. We have a big game against BYU tomorrow (saturday) at 2. We need to stay at the top. We are completely capable of beating every team in this conference. Our goal is to win the conference, and we are headed in the right direction... definitely not out of reach. As my mom said, we are THE team to be reckoned with.

After the win, we had to wake up the next day at 5am and head back to school for the 1st day of classes! Oh Joy... We flew in around 1015, just in time to make it to our 11am classes. Thennnn, I had time to take a short nap, then it was off to practice at 3! Thankfully it was short. I swear it felt like the longest day ever.

So today was basically my 1st day back to school, and man did it feel like it. My professors are... wow! thats all i can say. I'm not gonna blast em but wow. And now its off to practice to prepare for BYU...

be blessed yall
Jay

Off to New Mexico tomorrow...

To defeat the defending conference tournament champions!!! This is a strait up business trip to say the least! Its gonna be a long trip, we get back thursday, on the 1st day back to class and have to prepare for another big game. But 1st things 1st we have to take care of New mexico!

On another note...
Me and the teammies had a gathering today to watch the carolina vs uconn girls game, followed by some catch phrase, followed by the laker game! Very disappointed in the uconn game, it was a blowout. We made up for it with some catch phrase. That game is way to fun!!! My team won 3 out of the 4 time, its all about strategy!!! LoL. And the Laker game was intense to say the least. I am not a laker fan, or any fan for that matter, I like individual players. Such as, Chris Paul, Lebron, Kobe, D. Wade, Steve Nash, Amare Stoudamire... But the people that were there were either die hard laker fans, or die hard cavs fans lol. It was funny and fun. Gotta love my mates, we are all a family and I love them ALL like my sisters!

Well Im drained, so Im strait to the sheets....
Be blessed Yall
jay

LAZY DAY!!!!

And only listened to C. Hamilton twice today! I was ON Miguel Jontel and J. Holiday today! I took an unexpected road trip to a place I would probably never go. It was a good relaxing getaway... I felt extremely lazy today however. And ate way more than I should have. And its clearly catching up to me! Ill pay for it tomorrow in my 9am practice! ugh...

Anywhoo...

On my drive back I had a very interesting convo with my Ace suzzy (rebekah), as always. Our conversations are hardly ever dull. Im not gonna put my girls business out there, but let's just say the moral of the story is "never lower your standards"! LMAO... that wll only be funny to her, but seriously... a woman, (or man) should never lower their standards for any reason. Although, I guess grown people are entitled to have their fun if they choose... Just prepare to deal with it in the morning LoL. Suzzy is something else I'll tell ya. But she teaches me sooo much... some would say she asks too many questions. I would say she's very intuitive, because she asks questions you never think of asking yourself... which results in you learning more about yourself. Gotta love her for that. And everything else about her crazy self. LoL. I learn tht we are very different, which I think is why we compliment eachother so well (no homo).

Here's Suzzy (on the right) and Rachel (her twin on the left)... Figured 'd show how neither of them should ever lower their standards lol.

Okay I wanted to write alot but my head is spinning!!! To be continued

And again...

What am I doing? Sittin here determined to listen to every single song my boy has written. And there are A LOT of them. He really doin his thing. Its definitely a goal of mine to meet him one day. I don't think I've ever been a "fan" of anyone like this. I'm addicted to his music. All his mixtapes are playin in a silver bullet (my car) near you... keep your ears peeled! (sp)...


I started to write something about me, but it wasn't flowing. And as I read it, it didn't seem interesting at all. Its gameday tomorrow, 3rd conference game of the year and we need to win this one. As we should.

Here's a random thought... don't you love the feeling of being refreshed. No matter what the situation is, if you feel refreshed you feel good. Like when something brand new comes your way, after being exposed to same thing over and over again. You can exhale, and say "finally something new".... I had a conversation last night that gave me that feeling. It was a NEW conversation. I realized that as I get older, although my circle continues to get smaller, I realize that I meet more and more people that are like me, who I can relate to. For example, I was beginning to think that I was the only person in my generation who didn't drink. As days go on, I'm starting to meet more people who don't drink. God brings people into your life for a reason. Whether they stick around forever, or vanish in a few days, I look at everything as a learning experience, and everyONE as a learning experience. All in all, my family will forever be that one constant in my life. They keep me going, they keep me sane, they keep me grounded. As basketball and school and my career continue to rise, they always stay the same. My daddy said, no matter what, you will always have your family. Through any mistakes, regrets, smiles, moods, through it all. I have my few friends that I can put into that category. Rebekah and Kaitlin, my 2 consistant friends who I love like blood. Not too many people you can depend on, I think that's where my strong sense of independence comes fom. But when I close my eyes at night, I am able to sleep in peace knowing that I have a solid foundation that supports and loves me.

Be blessed yall,

Jay

Charles Hamilton... I would marry him!! (No Stalkerish)

Ever since the moment I was exposed to his video (blessed to see it, thank you mtv jams), I can't get the song out of my head. Brooklyn girls has, in my opinion, redefined hip hop as it is today. Dont get me wrong, we all love our various types of music. Me myself, I enjoy the old school type hip hop. You know the type where the whole song does not just consist of the chorus. Where a verse lasts for longer than 20 seconds. Anyway, this song enabled me to research this man. Let me tell you, his music I adore! I really really love it. He's up there with how I feel about Lupe Fiasco. They just give me that REAL feeling. That soothing feeling inside when you really FEEL the music that your listening to. Lucky for me he's such a BOMB a** lyricist, that he puts hella songs out. None of which sound same (refreshing).

I don't think alot of people have been exposed to this side of me. I guess its my artistic side. The writing/musical side. Music can be anyone's release, I'd be surprised if anyone said it wasnt. Anyway, not on nothing stalkerish but I'm happy he's out, and I'm happy I heard him. As I sit here, bobbing my head to his many songs, my mind is clear. Away from everything I have been stressed about, tensed up about... just away from everything.

Yours truly,

An OFFICIAL Charles Hamilton Fan!

Conference Opener and maybe some other randoms

So tonight we opened our championship conference run against Air Force. And I don't think we couldve asked for a better start. we ended up winning by 50 points and only allowing 28 points. Not too shabby Id say. Time for the next play... sunday afternoon we take on Utah, who is picked to finish 1st in our league. Its up to us to put those beliefs to the side. The work continues, and so does this passion. Without this passion, we probably wouldnt have it in us to work as hard as we do.

On another note, my bestfriend kaitlin and I have had some recent conversations about our future. Well, we always talk about our future but these convos have stood out more than others because our future is alot closer to us than when we were 12. We began to talk about our plans after college, of course grad school!!! As much as we do our own thing, me and kaitlin have always had this connection, where in some way, we do everything together. Like, our learning experiences happen around the same time. i guess you can say the phrase "growing up together" can be taken to the extreme. Simply because we do, we "grow" together. So anywho, grad school. We've always talked about moving to New York together. for watever reason, NYC seems to be like home to both of us. My plan is to attend NYU or Columbia for grad school, and there's no doubt in my mind that will happen. Hopefully KD makes her way to the NY too, only if she doesnt get into harvard!!! Which she probably will, regardless, we'll still be close geographically LoL. This part of the convo led to the next part of our lives, retirement! ha, yes retirement. We plan on making massive amounts of money and becoming extremely successful in whatever we do, allowing us to retire by the time we are 40. and yes it is very possible. oh yea, and retiring to puerto ric might I add. And if we do not have husbands by then (which as of right now, considering our views on men, its very possible we will still be single), we'll just meet and marry some flyy puerto rican guys lol. Cant go wrong there right.?

Its funny because recently I've felt a little taken back by the opposite sex. Or to put it bluntly, I don't trust guys, they irritate me, and I'm 100% independent right now. Ironically, in the middle of a conversation, my mom says. "Dang girl you've never been in love before". Although I know Ive never been in love before, its weird when you hear it from someone else. Especially my mommy, because I know she's right. There's nothing wrong with never being in love before, especially at age 20 in my opinion. Its also releaving because I want to marry the man I fall in love with. And I can NOT see myself marrying ANYONE from my past. Kinda harsh but true. As independent as I am, its almost inevitable to NOT think about my (future) love life or lack there of. I just pray that one day, "that guy" comes along. My belief is that he won't come along until I am ready to be committed to him. Because honestly right now, rejection seems like a priority. I just don't have the time nor the energy to put into a relationship. But late at night, when all my thoughts seem to pour themselves out onto my pillow, I thrive for that feeling of being in love. I am curious to feel that. To feel what my parents feel toward eachother. But... it is what it is. I am young and beautiful and loving my life in the moment that I am.
No worries!

be blessed yall

Jay

Man its been awhile

i dont even know where to start... so much has happened in the past few months. 1st things 1st, im healthy and doing well. 1st semester is over and I ended with a 3.15!!! the highest gpa ive had in college thus far, so i am pretty excited about that...

And of course basketball... we in fact defeated the #4 team in the country, Texas. They WERE undefeated, ha!!! That had to be one of the most exciting moments I have been apart of. Words cannot describe the excitement. So maybe this picture can help describe it! LoL...

So we start conference play this wednesday, January 7th at home. Time flies!!! We are looking to do some major things in conference so we are pumped to get started.

Moving on from basketball. Some other recent changes in my life, 1 being that i am no longer in a relationship. No need to go into details, i just came to the realization that this particular time in my life isn't time for a relationship. He was a great guy just not the guy for me. Its kinda crazy how things change. But my mom says that everything happens at the perfect time for the perfect reason, so I'm trusting that. Life as we know it does not slow down, but I am embracing every moment as it passes. I am happy.