Yes we got the win... DEFENSE WINS. Enuff said.

On another note, spent the majority of the night laughin with my teammates. As we celebrated Q's birthday, I began to realize how much I love these people. These are the times in life that I know I will look back on and wish I could come back to. Each moment creates memories. I was watching Tyler Perrys "A Family That Preys" and towards the end of the movie, someone says, "I wish it was that easy, just put in another memory card." As we get older, we wish we could remember everything from our past. Especially all of the good ones. Truth is, we do eventually forget, so its up to us to savor these moments.

I've been thinking alot about my little brother today, cameron, who passed away almost 14 years ago. I can't believe its been that long, but that's something I will never forget. I can remember everything about the day he died, like it happened earlier today. What I tend to forget though, are the things about him. Well not neccessarily forgot, but am terrified of forgetting. I am scared that I will eventually forget what his laugh sounded like, or what his skin felt like, what his smile looked like. I am constantly batteling with my head, forcing myself not to forget. For some reason, I still believe that one day he will show up at my door step, and I will wake up from a 14yr long dream. I was talking to someone special last night, and he said that we have something in common... that we are both missing a love from someone that can't be replaced by any other person. And he was so right. As much as I have been blessed over my lifetime, ever since I lost my brother, there's been an emptyness inside of me. Just that piece of my heart that hasn't had the same beat since the day he passed. I know I've learned to cope with and deal with his death, but I will never accept it. People always see time heals pain, but I don't think that applies to this. I am satisfied with dealing with it in my own way. I don't need anyone to try and fix this feeling. That part of my heart that doesn't beat the same is different because it belongs to my brother, and only my brother. He is never gone, and never forgotten.

Speaking of little brothers, my baby (not a baby anymore) turns 15 today!! He told me he was having a party, and I think it hit me. Wow, he's getting older. But that boy will always be my baby. I called him at midnight to say happy birthday, and he told me how "crackin" his party was. LoL. Even the way he speaks is so much older. I'm proud of the young man he has turned into. I guess it doesn't slow down from here. A lot more parties and birthdays to come. And a lot more growing up to do. But today, I'll just appreciate this moment, its his day. I'll appreciate the precious age of 15 while I can, and still love him like he's a baby ;).

Happy Birthday D, I'm so proud of you. I love you more than words.

Ok so anyway, has anyone seen the new halo video?? By Beyonce? OMG its video-tastic!!! LmaO (Did that really just come out of my mouth). But really, its great. I've figured out that I am extremely guarded. I didn't used to be but I feel no other choic now. Up until yesterday anyway. I see now that guarding myself is only hurting me. It takes away from being who I really am. I can still be smart as opposed to being a closed book. I believe that I have the ability to touch people, to help people, to make a difference in a persons life. Your not exposed to positive people a lot, and being that I am, its okay to show people who I am. A man who is willing to work to break through the walls I have put up, only makes me want to help him tear them down. This feeling is refreshing, even if it is "weird" or different. Life's about taking risks and trying something new. If we continue to go through life only doing the things that we are used to, or comfortable with, its hard to grow and expand your mind. At least that's how I feel. And that is how I plan to live my life. Maybe what I needed was someone to show me that it is okay to trust. Not trust other people, but to trust my own judgment. It just makes things easier. That way I dont worry about "getting hurt", or feeling "betrayed". When I do that, my energy is focused on them and not me. I guess I've been defensive when it comes to this. I don't want to be on the defensive side all of the time, I want to be able to relax and trust and live! I'm comfortable with the way I plan to live my life, but not so comfortable that I dont take risks ;).

Well my eyes are getting heavy.

I am going to sleep so excited to see what tomorrow brings.

Be blessed ya'll,

Jay