Time to vent...

Okay, Business 1st I guess... We beat air force. And Colorado Springs is officially the worst place ever. I really could not breathe. I had a headache the entire time, my eyes were burning, just wasn't an exciting trip.

So me and my sister went to see "He's just not that into you", and I gotta say it was a well put together movie. As my sister would say, it had a really good moral. In actuality, I cried 4 times I think. Not because the movie was that sad, but because it made me think about real life. My love life is what makes me cry, not my life as a whole (just to clear that up). So anyway, the movie basically went through the things to know when a guy just isn't into you. I found it to be common sense, personally. For example, rule #1 was... When he doesn't call he's just not that into you. Well duh. It kills me when people think a person is going to call after a week and a half of NOT calling. This does not only apply to men. For example, in a recent interaction with a man I was NOT even remotely interested in, I insisted that I take his number, simply because I did not want him to call me. I believe 3 weeks passed, of me not calling, and he told his friend to remind me to hit him up. UMMMM Im so sorry dude, but 3 weeks. Probably not gonna call. This is where the movie made a valid point, if a man is interested, you will know. Meaning, he will call, he will want to spend time with you, and so forth. Another duh should be implimented here. I don't want to go through the entire movie, but be warned... it is a serious chick flick!

So recently I've been feeling ways that I have never felt before. You see, there's this guy, and he does intrigue me. I learned that life is all about taking risks. With a guard up, I felt myself beginning to live in fear. I used to think it was bad to open up to people, especially men that interested me even slightly. I felt like I was giving them access to me. I realized that is not bad at all. Even if someone has access to me, it does not mean I am losing anything. I believe that who I am is a blessing, and if a person can take a piece of it, it will only be beneficial to them.

The past few days have been just, one of those days. I can't wait to get into an empty room, so I can let my tears fall. Its hard to put into words how I am feeling. Going without speaking to a special someone makes me feel like someone died. That empty feeling inside. Like they are so close but yet so far. Now I would say that I never let anyone affect me in this way, but this is different. Right now I don't feel like I have control, of anything. I feel like without this person, I want to shut down. Now knowing that shutting down is not an option, it just hurts. It hurts to feel that I don't have this person. I know that everything happens for a reason, at the perfect time. As much as I want to say but, there is no but. I know that things will work the way that they are supposed to. Even if its not the way I thought, it'll be for the best. Won't it???

Life leads so many unanswered questions, but its not my job to answer them. The answers will come in due time. I guess I used to think I had all the answers, this must be a feeling I've never had before.

Be blessed yall

Jay